Welcome to My 30Tees: Number Twenty Two: Ladylike?

There are times I've been told, that I'm not very ladylike.

By my mom.

My mother is funny and I always found it amusing when she would say this to me, which I recall being quite a bit when I was younger.

If I burped
If I said something crass
If I was too loud
If I dressed a little different
If I didn't wear makeup
If I chose pants over a dress
If I spoke up for myself
If I disagreed
If i didn't sit correctly
If I slouched

"Meredith, that's not very ladylike."

I don't know if the ladylike epidemic has actually made it across the entire US, or if it's just sticking mostly to the south -- but it's a big deal. There are actually "rules" of being ladylike. Rules, I have to admit, I never bothered to learn.

And now, in modern society, I have moved into a new category of "unladylikeness." I'm a 30 year old woman, single, who owns her own house, her own car, lives her own life...without a husband. Now those of you who actually have a significant other may be thinking to yourself...so? However, I would say most of the ladies in my situation take some flak about it -- and at times are ostracized and even sometimes pitied.

Check out some of the highlights in this article from bnet.com:

One by One - statistics on single people in the United States - Brief Article - Statistical Data Included

Less than 25 percent of American households are married couples with children younger than 18. And more Americans are remaining single -- 82 million of them, to be exact. Between 1990 and 2000, the number of nonfamily households (where people who are not family members live together or a person lives alone) rose at twice the rate of households of immediate or extended families, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. In Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Louisiana, Mississippi, Nevada, New York and the District of Columbia, the majority of households now are made up of singles. Nationwide, 52 percent of all households contain married couples.

But American society has not adjusted to the growing legions of the unmarried, says Thomas Coleman, executive director for the American Association for Single People (AASP) in Los Angeles...

Singles often are lumped into a "high-risk" class by insurance companies and are charged a higher rate than married coworkers, says Coleman, adding that they also are denied "family" discounts for roommates or partners. "There is no federal protection against marital bias in employment, housing or business transactions," he says.

Singles constitute more than 40 percent of the adult population, and 10 percent of all adults will never marry, according to 2000 census statistics. "In our society, we consistently send the message that, `If you are not married, you have fallen short. Something is missing in your life,'" says Dorian Solot, one of the founders of the Boston-based Alternatives to Marriage Project.

I was talking to my Dad last night about this exact same thing. I talked about how I feel I stumbled into a changing generation. Women before me were considered spinsters at my age. Women like me in the future will probably be the norm. But right now, we are (us singles) changing our country by refusing to conform, by doing what makes us happy, by fulfilling our own lives and by changing the way people view the unmarried.

It's not easy and sometimes it's not fun. I absolutely hate going home for holidays and getting the same questions:
Are you bringing anyone?
Met anyone lately?

And my absolute favorite (courtesy of my parents)
You think you'll ever give me a grandkid?

No. No. And...you already have two from my siblings. Talk to them.

However, deep down I know that there will always be people who look at me with sadness. There will always be people who try to fix me up so that "I can be happy." There will always be people who don't understand that, even a single person can have an incredibly full life, which I do.

I didn't choose to be in this position on purpose. I was just going along, minding my own business when it was pointed out to me that something was "wrong." But now that I'm here, I'm gonna join the fight for the unladylike singles of the world! I am proud of the life I've made (that I've made) for myself and if other people can't see that without there being a large black hole, that's fine. Ignorant, but fine.

Because in the meantime, I am going to empower young girls to follow their dreams. To go out and live the life they want. To impress upon them the fact that they don't have to be a duo to live a fulfilling life. To let them know not to hold off on going and doing and accomplishing in order to wait for their other half.

I'm a whole (that's what she said). I don't need anymore pieces. If they come along and add to my life, I will be happy to have them. But, if they don't, my life will still be beautiful, at least to me. And that's all that really matters.