What people say and what they mean, seems exceedingly inconsistent in this day and age. But, I believe that I have always communicated a little bit different from the norm. I think I knew it as a child, but have really noticed it as I've gotten older that I just don't talk to people the same way most others do.
I'm not one to beat around the bush. 90 percent of the time, you can take what I say as is. Some people like it...some people absolutely hate me for it, but it's what and how I know.
My psychiatrist says that many people with OCD are the same way. Surprise, you just found out something about me. I'm OCD, clinically and medicated for it. There's a whole nature vs. nurture discussion behind that one, but simply put, this spills over into my communication style. I don't like to leave things hanging out there that can be misconstrued. I'm direct and to the point, just like in almost everything I do.
I don't understand people when they are going around and around a topic. I don't read between the lines. It's not that I refuse to, I just don't understand how. It doesn't make sense to me. I want and need it honestly, whatever it is. No holds barred. Is it really that difficult?
I'll give you an example. Have you ever had to work with someone you just didn't care for? Someone who drove you absolutely bonkers? I'm sure you have. We all have. But here's where I'm different.
There was a young lady that I used to work with. Luckily I did not have to work directly with her on too many occasions, but the times that I did were very trying. She was fresh out of college. She was exceedingly loud and disruptive -- and not in a fun way. She made jokes that were inappropriate (again, would have made a difference if they were at least funny). And it seemed that she did everything in her power to push her work off on other people.
There's a list of reasons that I did not care for her. And that just happens. You're not going to like everyone you meet and not everyone is going to like you. No big deal. When she was around, I was always civil to her, but I never spent more time around her than need be.
About three months into her office invasion, she started finding ways to be around me more. She would come up and ask me questions she could have asked someone else. She would bring stuff to me off the printer and ask if it was mine. Just random shit, but it was like she was always there....like a gnat. Again, i always kept my civility.
However, one day she came to me and said, "Meredith, sometimes I get the feeling that you don't like me very much."
Well, you should never ask questions, or make statements, that you don't want to know the answer to...of which mine was:
"No, I really don't." And there it was.
She was very upset and I tried to tell her she shouldn't be, that's just the way life is. You are not going to get along with everyone. I didn't go into the whys, but I did let her know that I really didn't want to be her friend.
Now some people may think that this is cold. However, it saves me a lot of time and trouble. Think of all the problems you have had over a miscommunication with a coworker, boss or spouse...eh? So don't do it anymore. Just say it --
Would you like to go out with me?...No, thank you.
What do you think of this idea?...I think you should put some more thought into it.
How does this dress look on me?...Like your grandmothers couch just upchucked.
It's not always bad. On the same note, I am very honest about the good things too.
You look absolutely lovely.
That was so well said.
I really appreciate you doing that.
And when I do dish out a compliment or a thank you...people know I mean it.
So what are you so afraid of? Speak up. Speak out. Speak true. And get really good at your bob and weave...you're gonna need it.
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