Live in the Gray -- Where the Kids Come to Play
I'm a "creative." That's what they call my department at work as we are viewed as a collective. "Ask one of the creatives." "See if one of the creatives can do it."
I like being known as a creative. I feel that it defines me well. However, being a creative isn't the easiest job in the world.
Creative people, at least most, have some sort of a cog loose. We have to in order to do our jobs. Our brains are spinning a hundred miles an hour for at least eighty hours a week just for our jobs. They spin walking down the street when we see things that are inspiring, emotional, humorous. Our imaginations are endless...and many of us are medicated for it.
The curse of a good imagination -- we can think of the worst case scenario to any given situation. We are able to set the background, hear the dialogue, see the outcome. It all happens in the head, twisting and turning, as if trying to move rope through intracit gears. Our brains become knotted and overwhelming at times, and yet, they never stop moving.
The gray area in life is a very difficult place to live, at least for me, because it takes logic. Am I logical? At times, however I am paid good money not to be logical. Pushed to think outside the box...beyond the boundaries...trying every day to discover some new land that just may not be out there. Nothing about my job is logical -- and I am so good at that particular trait.
I can take the simplest situation and make it extremely complicated, because that's how my mind works. Example:
"Hey, would you like to grab a cup of coffee sometime," says a man I've just met and conversed with."
Hmmm. Let's see. This guy just asked you out. What do you think? I'm pretty sure he seems like a nice guy. Oh, a nice guy. Well, I'm not a very nice girl. I'm not bad, but I have my faults. Oh my, he's going to find out that I would rather sit at home on a Saturday night than go out. He will probably want to go out. I just really like the life I have now. I like managing my Tivo, always knowing there is Diet Coke in the fridge, and the peace and quiet of an empty house. I don't want to change my whole life for this guy. Dude, The Shield is coming back on...and no one is going to stop me from watching that. I don't think I want to mess with him.
"No thanks, I'm good."
And while we can take absolutely nothing and build the Taj Mahal, we also dream bigger and fall harder. Because everything we do, as creatives, is a part of us. Every word we utter, every line we draw is a part of us -- it's our skin, our hearts, blood, sweat and tears.
Living this life isn't easy, which is why most of us are medicated. However, I am lucky enough to have a friend, Meg, who lives in the gray.
"Come into the gray," she tells me. "Embrace the gray. Love the gray."
It is her way of telling me to stop thinking, give into the unknown, dispel fears of what is in the fog of future that I cannot see, because the gray is a safe place to be. Not everything is black and white, good and bad, trash or treasure. My imagination of the monsters that hide in the misty gray are just that...imagination.
"The gray is beautiful," she says. While a dreary color, it is the place where all people can meet. The gray is a forum for every discussion, political view,or personal fear. The gray is where we go to sort out the large spectrum of life. It's where we find unexpected empathy, possible understanding and a place where we can leave our fears behind.
As children we are born into the gray. Clean. Unashamed. Daring. Fearless. Unbiased. Unprejudiced. Untainted.
Hate. Ignorance. Fear. These are walls we are taught to build as we get older, to block the gray. The walls are constructed from broken hearts (that will never be mended), disappointments (that will never be forgiven), pain (from leaving ourselves open to love and loss). And, those are the walls we have to tear down.
Live in the gray, where if your heart has been broken before...it doesn't mean it will again.
Live in the gray, where you have made mistakes that you have learned from.
Live in the gray, where you believe that -- no matter what the world tells you, no matter what your nearest and dearest tell you, no matter what your crazy creative mind tells you -- dreams are possible, fears can be overcome and the control (that we don't really have anyway) can be left safely behind us as we continue to move through life.
Live in the gray. Embrace the gray. Love the gray.
Thanks Meg.
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